![](\"https://thinksaveretire.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/33-1024x684.jpg\")
Good day, all! I've got a fun (and serious) post coming at ya from Paul Andrews who's talking about coming to grips with your significant other's view on money. It's hilariously serious business. Read!
When it comes down to your finances, there are any number of pieces of advice that really do make a lot of sense. “Save 10% of your income and invest it” Is an oldie but a goodie. “Always price compare to make sure you get the best price” is thrown around a lot. “Stop throwing $50 a month at a gym that everyone knows you don’t go to, even though you always swear you’re going to and simply choose to prioritize binge watching shows on your preference of streaming services” is… well… we’ve all been there.
But today I’m going to talk about what is arguably the best piece of financial advice I could give. It’s something that, ever since I graduated from college, I’ve been thankful for every day of my life. It’s helped me cut some of my largest expenses in half, led me to better habits, and frankly is cute as a button. DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET?!
THEN YOU SHOULD READ THE TITLE, BUT JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T…
IT’S THIS:
ISN’T SHE JUST TOTES ADORBS?! Yes ladies and gentlemen, there is simply no better weapon to add to your financial arsenal than dating someone who is financially compatible with you. My girlfriend has been, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to my bank account. NO, NOT BECAUSE SHE BUYS ME NICE THINGS AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS KEEP THIS SMOKIN’ HOT BOD! No, it’s been awesome because she and I have been able to get on the same page concerning the important points of our finances, and negotiate on the things that are flexible. How exactly did we get to this point, might you ask? Well, there are a certain set of financial questions you should ask your significant other, when the time is right. First up:
I’m going to take you back to your freshman pysch seminar. Yes, the one that left you feeling qualified to FINALLY diagnose your mother’s OCD and your brother’s obvious case of “youngest sibling” syndrome. Remember reading through one of those parts of the textbook where they talk about the marshmallow experiment completed at Stanford?
Long story short, those running the experiment made a very simple proposition to a group of children: They could either eat one marshmallow right now, or have 2 marshmallows at a later time, around 15 minutes later. There were two kinds of children: the ones that simply couldn’t bear the thought of not eating a marshmallow immediately, and those that were able to temper their desire more than most adults (I. Love. Marshmallows.) Later on in life, there were follow-ups that gave the people running the experiment information on how well the participants were doing “in life”, measured by SAT score, their BMI, their highest level of education, etc. And you know what they found?
Surprise, surprise: those that were able to delay their gratification were able to “achieve” higher levels of “success” later on in life.
Now, as a financial blogger, I’m supposed to say that you’re all supposed to look at a single marshmallow and say, “Fuck you, delicious puff of sugary goodness, I’ma take two in a lil’ bit.” But let’s all just call it out for what it is: not everyone is going to want to say no to a marshmallow.
It’s just not how we’re built/designed. What you need to do is make sure that, to some degree, you and your man/lady are on the same page when it comes to deferring spending. For example, you can get a pretty good feel from the question, “Hey, how about, instead of going out tonight, let’s stay in and watch a movie.” Or, “What about, instead of ordering a pizza, we make our own?” Once you’re a little bit further along in your relationship, you can see how the other person feels about maybe not doing some entertainment stuff so you can save some cash for your upcoming vacation. Or maybe see how they feel about taking some extreme frugality measures if it means being able to retire in your mid-thirties and travel the country like some B.A.M.F.
See about page for more details… :)
So when you’re having the “1 marshmallow/2 marshmallow” conversation with your S.O., it’s less about trying to turn one of you (or both of you) into 2 marshmallow people, but more about making sure that you’re one the same page. For example, you can be sure that a couple that comprises of a man who spends $500 tricking out his man cave and a woman who cuts coupons in order to save some $$$ for retirement are not going to last very long. To wrap up, be sure to ask on the first date, “So, one marshmallow or two?” Because it will be hilarious and awkward and I want to hear about it.
Joking, people. I’m joking.
Please don’t take this one literally, boys and girls. If you’re reading an article about the questions to ask your significant other, then you should already have their phone number. Which means if I’m not talking about getting someone’s digits, what number could I be possibly talking about?
I’m talking about a “retirement” number, for lack of better term. Bear in mind, I know that most people don’t walk around and simply have a number in their mind of how much money they need in order to retire in a given lifestyle, but these are conversations that once you’ve solidified things, it’s good to know.
A simple conversation might start with, “So, have you ever thought about how much money it would take for you to just stop working and see the world?” or “How much money do you think makes someone rich?” These will give you a very good idea as to what kind of life the person across the table from you might want to live. For example, they might say something along the lines of, “Well, I know I don’t want to wait to retire. I’d love to have a boat, always fly first class, visit every continent once a year, and eat at restaurants that use gold leaf as a garnish.” If that’s the case, then your “hyper frugal-save-every-penny-and-live-in-a-tiny-home” dream might not mesh super well with your bo/bae.
Or what if they say something like, “I don’t know, I’m not going to worry about money for a while”, while you're more goal oriented than Cristiano Ronaldo? You know that you need exactly $2,523,089.73 in order to have everything you want out of retirement, and you’re ready to be more ruthless than a room where no one is named “Ruth” in order to achieve that? Well, then you might need to rethink where this whole relationship is going.
So make sure you have the number talk on your list of questions to ask your significant other. And remember, if they’re worlds apart from each other, either think about ways to mitigate the difference, or… well…
https://giphy.com/gifs/finally-atlast-itsover-ypHEH8VjThGPS
The next step to any healthy relationship is to slide around a hardwood surface with your guy/gal in your respective underwear and see how well they slide.
https://giphy.com/gifs/jennifer-lawrence-tom-cruise-american-hustle-n4GD2P8GgOIrm
No, that’s a joke. Please don’t do that. Steve and Paul are not responsible for any injuries sustained while misunderstanding humor in blog posts. K, back to business: The next step in any relationship is to get a firm idea of where the other person stands in terms of risk appetite. To be frank, as a financial blogger, I really don’t care if you both like roller coasters, sky diving, shark fishing, or UFC fighting. I’m talking about financial risk appetite.
This one is pretty close to home, because my girlfriend and I are VERY different on the financial risk spectrum. You see, she’s very intelligent and is able to see things very reasonable.
She can pick out obvious flaws and pitfalls in plans, and scary accurate when it comes to predicting how people act. I on the other hand, can be a bumbling buffoon whose finance degree has told him to take all the financial risks he possibly can because, well, fuck it: I’ve got 40 years to recover [Steve here: You and me both, brother!].
This has made for some SUPER interesting dinner conversation!
To give you the perfect scenario, earlier this year I had the chance to take another teaching job where I was making a little bit more money, or stay with my current job and hope to negotiate a raise. The issue was, I wasn’t going to be able to negotiate for my current job until the offer from the other school was taken off the table. As such, my girlfriend thought I should go the safer route; I opted to take the risk.
This was something that she and I very much had to work through and communicate. “I feel” statements were littered all over the apartment. In the end, it turns out that I made the “right” decision, as I was able to negotiate an $11,000 raise, $5,000 more than I would have made at the other job. But the safer route would have been to take the smaller raise.
So when discussing financial risk, be sure to at least understand where each of you are.
Doing so will make sure expectations at least line up with reality, and discord will (hopefully)
NOT ensue.
https://giphy.com/gifs/the-office-no-steve-carell-12XMGIWtrHBl5e
We all have them, right? For me, if a girl chews with her mouth open, calls me a sexist because I opened the door for her, pulls out her phone during dinner, or uses the word “Like” as a way to separate her goddamn words, then I’m 110% not going to call/text/tinder/facebook/instasnaptweet you.
Thank GOD I don’t have to deal with that shit any more.
But this is a financial blog, not a dating blog, so I’m really not concerned with knowing whether or not you can date a girl who’s, “More basic than unnecessary horned rimmed glasses wrapped in a bullshit humanities degree, all dipped in a pumpkin spice latte that’s being drunk out of an Ugg.”
JK, Art History majors, we all love you.
The “non-negotiable” questions to ask your significant other are the financial non-negotiables. Or even those non-negotiables that have financial implication. To give you the perfect example, my girlfriend and I have talked back and forth about the best time to get married. That’s a negotiable, because while it might be great to be married young, we’re willing to put it off if it means achieving other things in life.
However, we’re not willing to negotiate on when we’re having kids. We’ve established a day, and dammit we’re going to stick with it. But because that has HUGE financial implications, we were sure to verify that we agree on when to do that.
One of my own personal non-negotiables has to do with the fact that I want to use real estate as a way to build wealth. I’m going to be a landlord, as soon as I stop moving around this awesome country. I know of the benefits, I know it’s the “easiest” way to build serious wealth, and I’m not going to change. Whoever I chose to be with HAD to be ok with that fact. Fortunately, it was a pretty easy sell for my girlfriend.
So be sure to have this conversation with your S.O. at some point. And it really doesn’t have to be anything fancy. It really just needs to be, “What are some non-negotiables that you have regarding lifestyle?” Do you want to save every penny to retire at 40? If so, be sure to find someone that wants to as well? Are you ok not saving quite as much money if it means a bitchin’ vacation once a year? Well, if you are, then you really shouldn’t be match up with a penny pincher, or someone who wants to spend every last cent they earn.
A word about timing…
Folks, there is such a thing as coming on too strong. I don’t care if that’s how you were raised or if you think that being brutally honest is the way to live your life: if you want into a first date and ask these questions, you’re probably going to get some weird looks. After all, this is coffee/ice cream/minigolf/dinner/movie/whatever. You’re not looking to get every aspect of their personality. Do I think you should see if they’re a sucker for an upsell? Sure. Should you pay attention to see if he/she expects you to pay for everything on the date? Yep.
But am I saying that you should ask him or her for their 20-year plan in terms of their finances? Not at all. You should not simply rank your girlfriends/boyfriends by what percentage of their money goes into an IRA each month.
But once you’ve been dating for a while, and things start to go the more serious route, these are questions that you desperately need to have answered. After all, more than 1 in 3 relationships experience some sort of friction due to money. And there is evidence to support that financial arguments might be an accurate predictor of divorce.
So sit down, take a deep breath, and make sure that these conversations are being had. When expectations meet reality, everyone is going to be better off!
Remember, booboos, these questions are not designed to be used on the first date. You’ll probably just end up scaring off the person across the table from you. Instead, stick to the typical, “Where you from/tell me about your family/what do you do/how good are you in bed…” and you’ll be fine. But once you’ve been around each other for a few months and you feel comfortable “going there” ask your S.O. :
Alright, now let’s hear from you! Do you have any stories about not asking these questions soon enough? Or maybe too soon? Ever been in a relationship where the person isn’t on the same page as you? If you’ve found a keeper, what are some of the benefits you’ve noticed?
Comment below!
As I’ll always wish you:
Keep trying to crack the code,
Paul Andrews
Paul Andrews writes for thecodetoriches.com, a personal finance site that makes the world of finance as entertaining as possible. Known for his contrarian and no-bullshit attitudes, Paul doesn't sugar-coat finance. He simply uses logic, expletives, and an obscene amount of humor to make his points. Head on over to Thecodetoriches.com to check out more from Paul!
","tags":[{"name":"Questions","slug":"questions"},{"name":"Marriage","slug":"marriage"},{"name":"Change Your Life","slug":"change-your-life"}]}},{"node":{"slug":"question-time-do-you-give-money-to-beggars","feature_image":null,"title":"Question time: Do you give money to beggars?","published_at":"2015-05-25T12:00:44.000+00:00","primary_author":{"name":"Steve Adcock","profile_image":"https://www.gravatar.com/avatar/ae0b2f8d459bad06e6d287fa4a74b1ea"},"html":"It is not that my area of the country is especially prone to a heavy begging population. But nevertheless, there is a big enough population of beggars in my neck of the woods that makes this question a tough one to ignore. Here, they stand on street corners holding \"Help me\" signs in the hopes that a driver will roll down their window and give them some money. A couple of these beggars brazenly puff on a cigarette while holding their cardboard-slated pleas for help.
My question for you: Do you give to beggars?
The tl;dr (Too Long Didn't Read) version: No.
The longer version: I do not give to beggars. Ever. Putting political correctness aside, giving to beggars encourages begging, and whether we wish to admit it or not, a population of beggars has an affect on crime and property values - though, homeless shelters may have an increase on the value of nearby properties.
Perhaps George Orwell said it best in his first book titled Down and Out in Paris and London when he wrote, \"A beggar, looked at realistically, is simply a businessman, getting his living, like other businessmen, in the way that comes to hand. He has not, more than most modern people, sold his honor; he has merely made the mistake of choosing a trade at which it is impossible to grow rich.\"
Moreover, while I certainly admit that some beggars are indeed homeless, there are many who are not. In fact, this DailyMail article out of London reports that the \"fake homeless\" can easily pull in over £20,000 a year, equivalent to the salary of new teachers - tax free. And more than that, many simply aren't homeless.
But this point is neither here nor there. Whether or not beggars that you see are truly homeless does not play into my decision not to give.
I do not give to beggars because I value every dollar that I spend. I don't especially like the idea of giving my money to someone or something without having a good idea about where my money is going. Giving money to the government through excessive taxation is bad enough, but unfortunately, that is tough to control while I am still working.
When someone stands on the corner of an intersection with a neatly-written plea for help on a cardboard sign, puffing away on a cigarette, this person is literally giving the finger to society as a whole. That cardboard sign might as well read, \"I'm holding a sign while smoking a cigarette. Give me cash.\"
I see no value in spending that money.
To many, giving money to beggars makes us feel better about ourselves. And truthfully, helping others should make us feel good. However, giving my hard-earned money through my car window to someone standing on a street corner, and without a clue about what he or she is going to do with that money, doesn't exactly give me that warm and fuzzy \"I'm helping somebody\" feeling.
The fact is nobody really knows what they are helping that beggar to do.
Okay, but what happens with those people who truly need the help? Not everyone is a \"fake homeless\".
I happen to live in a city that offers FREE bus rides to the homeless so they can get anywhere in the city. Moreover, our city provides the homeless with the opportunity to sell newspapers on street corners and earn cash every single day - and many do. Free transportation and essentially a free newspaper-selling business, ripe for the taking - so long as you're truly homeless.
Homeless shelters in many areas of the country not only offer a place to stay and food, but also the opportunity to acquire skills to get a job - a real job - like the \"First Step Job Training Program\" from the Coalition For The Homeless, or these homeless job training services in Boston, or the Adkins Life Skills program, or this wonderful opportunity for homeless teens.
The list goes on. Seriously, try a Google search.
The bottom line is there are a LOT of opportunities available to the homeless in this country. The only requirement is desire. If homeless people are not willing to help themselves, then it becomes pretty darn tough for me to want to help them either. Begging indicates a void of motivation or determination to provide value in exchange for compensation.
How about proudly displaying a sign that reads \"Will work for food\"? Doesn't that portray a much more respectable understanding that building skills through work is what provides long term potential? Do good work and that person might keep you around for more. Do GREAT work and they may get recommended to others. Work in exchange for compensation. Skill-building. This is what separates a person who simply wants a handout from those truly down on their luck, but is determined to succeed in our opportunity-rich country.
Like George Orwell said, begging, by definition, is a business. That is one business that I can never bring myself to support.
","tags":[{"name":"Questions","slug":"questions"},{"name":"Change Your Life","slug":"change-your-life"},{"name":"Save Money","slug":"save-money"},{"name":"Opportunities to Save","slug":"opportunities-to-save"}]}},{"node":{"slug":"question-time-do-you-want-respect-or-pay","feature_image":null,"title":"Question time: Do you want respect or pay?","published_at":"2015-05-06T12:00:49.000+00:00","primary_author":{"name":"Steve Adcock","profile_image":"https://www.gravatar.com/avatar/ae0b2f8d459bad06e6d287fa4a74b1ea"},"html":"Picture yourself in this scenario: You are at work sitting around a conference table with the CEO (or some other high level manager) and a few of your coworkers. You are discussing something that will literally make or break the company. Make the right decision and your company flourishes. Make the wrong one and, well, you might be passing around your resume.
Aside from the CEO/manager, there is one person in that room that makes the most money - let's say around $20,000 MORE than the others in the room.
![\"Question](\"https://thinksaveretire.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/question-mark-270x300.jpg\")
After two hours discussing ideas, the CEO/manager pulls one of you into his office. He says, \"Bill/Sally, I respect your opinion more than any other in this office. You heard all the ideas. You know what is at stake. What do we do?\"
Understand that the person who was pulled into that office was NOT the person who makes the most money from that meeting.
Now, it's question time: Who would you rather be? Would you rather be the person who makes the most money, but may not be as highly respected, or would you rather be that person whom the CEO/Manager respects and values more than anyone else in your office?
According to several studies, like this one, most people value respect more than pay. That is, in this scenario, most would rather be that person who gets pulled into that office and asked to help make a decision with profound consequences for the company.
To me, this is a double-edged sword. I, like many of my readers, have prioritized retirement. In five to seven years, you and I will probably be retired. Long careers are no longer desired. If early retirement is your game, then maximizing your income and saving as much as possible during your working years is critical to meet your goals.
If I dreamed of retiring at 60 - like most Americans, I think this question would be quite easy to answer - I want respect. I want to be the person who helps make critical decisions because I know what that experience is preparing me for (like that Director-level job that I quit last year). That could turn out to be the single best (and most lucrative) opportunity that you may ever get at the office.
But then again, retiring in five years also means that I need to save as much as possible while I am still working, and the more I make, the more I save. Maybe that highly paid person in that meeting is years closer to financial independence than the highly respected person. Is that more beneficial?
What say you? If you were in that meeting, would you rather be the highly paid, or more highly respected, person?
","tags":[{"name":"How to Think","slug":"how-to-think"},{"name":"Financial independence","slug":"financial-independence"},{"name":"Question time","slug":"question-time"},{"name":"Questions","slug":"questions"},{"name":"Change Your Life","slug":"change-your-life"},{"name":"Leave Corporate America","slug":"leave-corporate-america"}]}},{"node":{"slug":"could-you-live-in-a-tiny-house","feature_image":null,"title":"Could you live in a tiny house?","published_at":"2014-12-06T16:43:32.000+00:00","primary_author":{"name":"Steve Adcock","profile_image":"https://www.gravatar.com/avatar/ae0b2f8d459bad06e6d287fa4a74b1ea"},"html":"Let's have a little fun this weekend and talk about living in a tiny house. Tiny homes are not simply \"small homes\". Tiny homes are complete homes meant for a family to live in that, in many cases, can be transported on the back of a trailer and plopped down almost anywhere in the world. Square footage? Between 80 and upwards of a 1000 or more.
![\"Picture](\"https://thinksaveretire.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/01-millertinyhouse-048-edit1-lgn-300x225.jpg\")
Literally, these homes allow the resident to pick up and move, almost at a moment's notice, to virtually anywhere in the world. You might say this is minimalist living, but some of these tiny homes come with quite a few luxuries despite their relatively small stature.
Tiny homes can be bought pre-assembled through companies like Tumbleweed Houses, Wind River Custom Homes and so many others. Or, for those of us who are more DIY-inclined, blueprints can be bought by the homeowner through services like ePlans.com or TinyHouseBuild.com. There are a wide variety of resources online to obtain free or low-cost blueprints and designs for tiny homes. Try this Google search for a few options.
![\"Tiny](\"https://thinksaveretire.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/tinyhomes.jpg\")
Most tiny homes come equipped with fully functional kitchens, bathrooms and bedrooms. Larger tiny homes may offer an upper level loft for a second (or primary) bedroom away from the living area downstairs. Nicer tiny home options may offer screened in decks or porches.
The architectural choices are plenty. Like the A-Frame look? No problem, tiny homes can be built in almost any configuration, using a variety of architectural designs, colors and concepts.
What about the cost? Depending on the type of tiny home you get, and whether or not you build it yourself, tiny homes can be built for as little as 10 or 15-thousand for the smallest homes to hundreds of thousands for larger, commercial-built options. This woman built her 84-sqft home for $10k when prices were cheap. But yeah, only 84-sqft.
![\"Folding](\"https://thinksaveretire.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/folding-shower2-425x600-212x300.jpg\")
What about modern conveniences like running water, showers, sinks and toilets? Provided that your spot of land has water and sewer services, any tiny home with the available space can offer regular \"wet area\" features just like a traditional home does. Check out the folding shower to the right that looks like it comes straight out of Star Trek.
And electricity? No problem, tiny homes can be wired up with the same electrical capacity as your home. More or less, if your spot of land is fully connected to \"the grid\", then your tiny home can be built to take advantage of modern conveniences in almost every case.
Again, many tiny homes aren't so minimalist. Many come with nicer kitchens than you'd find in your typical traditional house. Granite or concrete countertops, tile floors, closets, book shelves - anything you might need.
The only difference is these homes are small enough to be hoisted up on the back of a trailer and hauled off to some other spot on earth.
Could you live in a tiny house?
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